7 February 2002
There have been some developments...
Tuesday night at Tim's house, we kissed for longer outside in the garden. It was very nice.
Then last night after cell [a church home group], we kissed outside my house but a bit heavier and I didn't like it. Tim did and that's partly the reason why I didn't stop him. I showed no sign that I didn't enjoy the kissing. In fact, I kissed him back, smiled etc. And I shouldn't have done that. I should tell him immediately to stop.
So, after praying, I phoned Tim and explained my feelings. It went well! He totally understood and thanked me for sharing with him. He also said that we need to be honest with one another. And we agreed that should one of us not be in the mood for visiting or kissing, that we would say so and then the other person will love enough to respect that one's feelings and understand. Once again, another bridge crossed, another level reached.
As for the physical side, we're moving too fast. Tim says we haven't crossed the boundary line and I realize it's true... but we are coming close and I would appreciate us being more careful.
One Major Thing to note is that Timothy was genuinely kissing me out of love and not lust. And I see this is possible (even for guys :) I have had a very bad unfair mindset that guys (even Christians) cannot control their sexual urges and any physical intimacy stems from lust and helpless hormones. Tim showed me and later explained to me that last night's physical affection was the outward manifestation of the heart of true love he has for me. And the love he was feeling from me was selfless, sacrificial love. And I confirmed that. I might not have felt like kissing but I did anyway.
But I won't again!