I messed up

20 April 2002

I messed up last night. I went to a dumb karioke party and danced with a sex-obsessed guy. In my defence: I went to the party to spend time with a friend and give Tim some space. I didn't intend to dance with the oke, he didn't ask, he just grabbed me. (I'd had half a glass of wine. So what?)

It hurt Tim. I told him immediately. We talked it through and in the end, it has benefited our relationship. He has realized how much he loves me and is jealous. I'm glad of this. But as Tim suspected tonight, I'm mad at myself. How little self respect must I have to let/allow a drunk perv to pull me close to him? I'm disgusted and ashamed of myself.

He just doesn't get it! I feel so upset! Maybe I'm tired. Maybe I'm unreasonable. But the fact remains. So what if he is right and I'm wrong. It's the truth, I still feel upset and hurt so what has he actually accomplished? So he is direct and honest but I need him to be gentle too. I have to learn to be direct. He has to learn to be soft.

Seems to me, us girls are just too needy of acceptance, affirmation and love. But we, I, should be getting it from God!

Tim is right: I need to accept critique. I told him about the sandwich technique. We renamed it the Spur hamburger technique: Say something positive and/or encouraging. (That's the top bun.) Then give the small constructive criticism. (That's the meat patty.) Then say another positive affirmation. (The final bun.) One can accept criticism better when its coated in 'buns' like that.

He said he'll work on it.
I feel better now.