We even talk about sex!

30 June 2002

Timothy has got an excellent memory concerning what people have said. He can quote my sentences back to me and I can't even recall saying that! But he is not good with dates. So I'm glad I'm keeping track of our dates in this book :)

Tonight, Pastor Nevil Nordan seemed to caution us to wait for the right time to marry. Tim seemed to dismiss it, but I heard. (sigh) Lord, please give me the patience to wait.

Tim and I have the greatest conversations. We even talk about sex! It's great to have a best friend with whom I can laugh and learn and talk about anything.

Pray for your relationship

26 June 2002

Tim and I are really maturing in our relationship. It is such an awesome journey! Growing and learning in love.

I spent lots of time with Tim yesterday after he came back from P.E. He was so loving- telling me how much he missed me and loves me; showering me with hugs, kisses and compliments. He has got a beautiful way with words and my heart overflowed as he told me how beautiful he thinks I am. He loves my cheeks, hair, dimples, teeth, eyes, hands, nails, feet, tongue, toes... I was laughing with joy. What a great relationship! Thank you Lord!

We can talk seriously, joke, laugh, chat, discuss, kiss, wink, tease, question, wonder, embrace, touch.
Bless God!

Lord, please may we always love You more and may our love, affection and respect grow for each other. Hold us in the palm of Your hand. In Your name, Amen

Relax and wait

9 June 2002

I love Tim so much!


10 June 2002

Tim brought me my study stuff that I forgot at his house. I asked him how long does he plan to live alone in his house once he has moved in. He said that as long as he wanted to stay single. Until he has a constant desire to get married, we can't. But he said, we are meant for each other. Of course, it's so true. Why can guys be so calm and relaxed? Because it's a fact: We love each other and we will one day get married. Sloosh. No more worrying or anxiety. Just stable peace.

Thank God for Tim, his wisdom and his love. He left me a note in my file. :) I really needed to hear that!

Lord, help me to relax and once again, teach me to WAIT.

SMS from Tim:

20 May 2002

'Ek wou net vra of ek by jou kan kuier vandag.

ek wil graag by jou wees

al is dit net vir 'n rukkie.'

'Jy mag maar 'n soentjie per sms stuur

dit sal my nie aansteek nie :)

ek het gister gedink ek kan ook siek word

maar dit het my nie regtig gepla of gestop nie @'

31 May 2002

'More Janet, ek dink nie dit gaan 'n wyse

ding wees as jy hier slaap vanaand nie

ons kan die hele dag kuier.

Ek hoop jy verstaan. 

Ek wil net nie met vuur begin speel nie.'

'Liefie, ek mis jou 

en ek is baie lief vir jou.'

Six-month Dating Anniversary

8 June 2002

Well, today was wonderful. It is our 6 month anniversary! We had a picnic with my family. It was great! Tim played ball with the boys and we went for a walk through the Botanical Gardens. I laughed a lot because I'm so happy!

Then tonight, I cooked Chinese and we sat in my flat with candle light and ate with chopsticks. It was lots of fun. Tim even asked if I wanted to dance and we just held each other. Very romantic! Very special.

We kissed a lot too. Too much I think, I don't know, it's fine. We had talked and chatted and laughed a lot today and we didn't do anything wrong but the kissing so much seems pointless. Some kisses are nice but not all the time. But I like the attention and love I get from Tim. So, I don't say anything, but knowing him, he would want me to tell him to stop. What's the matter with me? For me, kissing is like coffee. Nice while I'm drinking it, but a bitter aftertaste and I get a headache worrying about it.

[ Note from present-day Janet: When one restricts oneself and feels one is not allowed to do a certain thing, one can try doing it but will not enjoy it. It works the same in marriage. If the husband or wife is concerned that they are sinning, they will pull back emotionally and hinder pleasure. Many women, although married still feel that sex is sinful and dirty and so struggle to allow themselves pleasure. It is a mind-set that is difficult to break but is possible by talking with your partner, reading good books including Song of Songs, so that one can give yourself permission to enjoy sex as God intended!]

Surprise Surprise!

30 May 2002

Well, Tim was away in Welkom for the weekend and we missed each other extremely. But before that, I must write that last week Friday (24th), Tim arrived at my house surprising me with a bunch of flowers! My babe, just arrived to tell me he loves me, he misses me, he is miserable without me and good luck for my exam the next day. He melted my heart!

I was so excited! Wow, I love surprises and Tim! It means the world to me! He looked so loveable standing there. Dad said I had a visitor and it flashed through my mind that it might be him, but I was shocked to see him with beautiful flowers (nice touch!). dad asked, "Is it nice to be loved?" An O, I feel loved; so very loved by such a wonderful brilliant guy!

So I have to show him that I love him too. So guess what I do...
I wait for him to get back from Welkom until 12pm at his house. He was thouroughly surprised! He loved it! He just held me. I'm so glad that I could surprise him back! It's a good thing that I did because I think he was wondering how I felt about him. Well, now he can see: I adore him!

Tonight, we had quite a make-out session. Sheesh, I wanted him bad! It was mostly my fault. I've been feeling emotionally empty and while kissing him and needing him to hold me, it dawned on me that I was looking for my emotional cup to be filled up. And the physical love was helping but I know that only God's infilling can truly fill/satisfy my need.

It was nice though; of course it was nice! The girl coming on to the guy like I did. Freakazoid! Keren phoned just in time to invite me to go back to Menlyn. By 'just in time', I don't mean we would have slept together, but Tim and I are getting quite fired up!

Please Lord... what must I pray? That God would guard us, watch over us and keep us from evil? For the love of God, we can't mess up! I don't think we will. Of course not! I could never!
But if I can think/imagine it...

Stunning time together!

20 May 2002

Wow, wow, wow! :) Friday night and Sunday night with Timothy was absolutely stunning! We had the most excellent talks. Friday night, I reassured Tim that I love him only and Sunday night, he said the most stunning things to me. We talked openly and honestly. We laughed a lot and then kissed majorly! Dit was baie lekker!

He said that he would ask me to marry him! I am so in love with this man!

We talked about how I view his ministry. I even said: "I know it's going to be very big!" But he really desires for me and needs me to view it as big now! Otherwise I will pull him down to where I see his ministry instead of supporting him and encouraging him higher. This revelation quite upset me because I so badly want to be his biggest supporter! I will from now on!

Also, we discussed the different churches Doxa Deo and Lewende Woord. Funny how I prefer Doxa and Tim prefers Lewende Woord. Same as mom and dad! But we don't want to end up going to different churches. So I have agreed to go with him to Lewende Woord, although I'll miss Doxa a lot!

He told me that over the last few days, his love and desire for me has really grown. He can't stand to be away from me for too long! This means the world to me. I love hearing that!
We just have to work on our self-control. I'm not ready for sex but I think about it a lot and so does he. And that's the first step towards doing it. We said that our love for God keeps us from going all the way.
I hope we love God enough!

I am his helper

16 May 2002

Tonight I went with Tim to Dr Malan Hoërskool. He preached hilariously and the Holy Spirit came down. Afterwards, he invited people to come forward for prayer. I asked if I could help and he asked me to agree with him in prayer and lay hands on the girls. It was awesome! I was supporting him and being his helper and ministering alongside him. Thank you Lord!

On the way back in the car, he asked about a RING! I told him that it would be special if he picked one for me that he knows I'll like, because he asked if we should pick one out together. :) So at some stage, I will describe to him what I like.

sms from Tim:

"Liefie, eks terug in die bed,

wens jy was hier :o

lief vir jou"

Love is blind

12 May 2002

Timothy and I have had some special times this week. Closeness and snugness in our relationship that's very nice.

Just today, I've had people point out some weaknesses or things he will need to work on. Dad says he has some arrogance and does not give him the proper respect. Keren confirmed this and I realized this is true. He is a bit spoilt, can be snobbish, arrogant and blasé. Does not give other people (adults, friends, even parents) the respect they deserve.

Please Father, as you are working in me, work also in Tim. Lead and guide me to speak out when I should, or perhaps You will show him without my help?

I still love him stax!

                                         **************************************

Tim has been invaluable to me concerning my car breaking down. He showed me that it was a lesson in finances that I had to go through and learn quickly. He has been emotionally supportive and understanding yet strict to point out my wrong motives and attitudes. :)

I appreaciate him!

Love is Lekker!

6 May 2002

Wow! Tonight Tim and I had such a wonderful time! No fighting or disagreeing. Just nice chatting and relaxing together. It was wonderful! O Lord, thank you so much! What a man you have given me! We talked and talked.
I love him dearly.

SMS from Tim:

Liefie, gaan dit goed?

My studies hou my langer op as wat ek gehoop het.

Jy moet jou aand geniet en ek is

lief vir jou baie

11 April 2002

Hi baby. dink aan jou. 

Sterkte met more se eksamen.

Ek sal more baie liefde na jou 

kant toe stuur @

24 April 2002

Skat! My aand was great!

Niks slegte goed :-)

Ons verhouding is so pure soos

kan kom. Dit is so goed dat as ons nie keer nie

gaan dit net BETER

27 April 2002

Janet, ek mis jou met alles wat in my is.

Elke sekond wat verby gaan val ek

net meer in die oneindigheid van

perfekte liefde vir jou.

Vis! Ek like jou!

The Puzzle Process

4 May 2002

Timothy and I had a good chat last night. Communication is very important to Tim. He wants me to speak what's on my mind. The thing is, I often get offended, defensive and upset by what he says. We've had a number of disagreements lately and it's mainly because I'm so sensitive. God showed me that I must remember that Tim is on my side and doesn't intend to hurt me. I can't ask him to watch what he says because that would cut off his tongue, and for him, that's the dooming of our relationship. So I said sorry. I think he said sorry. And we'll remain the open candid people that we are.

The differences between me and Tim startled me yesterday. We're like chalk and cheese. His taste is so opposite to mine that if I find we have a similarity, I want to throw a party! God, are you sure we are meant for each other? Tim is convinced we were made for each other. And last night, I told him that I had peace that we should get married. But all the while, I'm thinking Eeeeeeek! We are in for hard work because we are so different. Talking through all our differences is going to take long!

Lord, why didn't you plan for someone that at least likes the same programmes as me? But I love him and he's your guy. Please Lord, can you make it easy for us to get along, now and always.

Then God reminded me about our puzzle process. Totally opposite and different pieces, yet fit perfectly together with God being the common thread! Praise God!

Well-balanced relationship

24 April 2002

Last night, I went to visit Timothy. We kissed a lot. It was so nice! He said he like my top (the three-quarter blue one) and I liked his black top! But it was like we couldn't get enough of one another (sigh). Tim shared personal info with me and appreciate it. He also said that I'm the only girl for him! He's not interested in any other.

This is such a nice time in my life! Our relationship is still pure - we might have gotten quite excited and turned on big time last night, but other nights we don't kiss at all, we just talk all the time. It's a well-balanced relationship.

Last night, and romantic times like it, keeps the fire burning and the sparks flying. Tim said that he loves me with Agape love and is trying his best to let me know that he respects me a lot and thinks pure things of me. I know this is true, but it's also nice to know that 'I do it for him'. :)

I will follow him

21 April 2002

Tonight, I went with Tim to Meyerton NG church. He preached. It was great! He is excellent - a natural preacher - or should I say, anointed by God to preach! It was so nice to sit alone in the pew and have him stand up there; look at me every now and again. I could do that - support him - for the rest of my life! O Lord, please say I will! And the trip in the car: there is no one I would rather spend hours in the car with than Timothy Kieswetter! He wanted to talk to me!

It's not nice when he has to drop me off and go home and then plays games with his sister. I'm jealous of her just because she gets to be with Tim so much. And, it's wrong of course. Hopefully, I'll get to spend the rest of my days with him, but it's still not nice now :( Sorry Justine for being jealous.

Tim reminds me that there's lots of time for playing... one day! :) He knows. He is calm and patient.
I must be too.

I messed up

20 April 2002

I messed up last night. I went to a dumb karioke party and danced with a sex-obsessed guy. In my defence: I went to the party to spend time with a friend and give Tim some space. I didn't intend to dance with the oke, he didn't ask, he just grabbed me. (I'd had half a glass of wine. So what?)

It hurt Tim. I told him immediately. We talked it through and in the end, it has benefited our relationship. He has realized how much he loves me and is jealous. I'm glad of this. But as Tim suspected tonight, I'm mad at myself. How little self respect must I have to let/allow a drunk perv to pull me close to him? I'm disgusted and ashamed of myself.

He just doesn't get it! I feel so upset! Maybe I'm tired. Maybe I'm unreasonable. But the fact remains. So what if he is right and I'm wrong. It's the truth, I still feel upset and hurt so what has he actually accomplished? So he is direct and honest but I need him to be gentle too. I have to learn to be direct. He has to learn to be soft.

Seems to me, us girls are just too needy of acceptance, affirmation and love. But we, I, should be getting it from God!

Tim is right: I need to accept critique. I told him about the sandwich technique. We renamed it the Spur hamburger technique: Say something positive and/or encouraging. (That's the top bun.) Then give the small constructive criticism. (That's the meat patty.) Then say another positive affirmation. (The final bun.) One can accept criticism better when its coated in 'buns' like that.

He said he'll work on it.
I feel better now.

Firsts

10 April 2002

First time he came to my house, came to meet the family: Tuesday  25 October. I sent him an sms before he arrived to reassure him and help him relax.

First time he asked me out: A Monday night in an e-mail, 2 weeks after we met. I said no.

First time we held hands... too soon. It was awkward.

But the second time he asked me out was the 8th December, I said yes and we held hands. I couldn't stop laughing and giggling. It was great! Tim said hands have many nerves and that we could try all the ways of holding hands. It felt good and comfortable.

First time we kissed was also that night. In front of m front door. He asked. I'm glad. It went fine. the second kiss a few moments later wasbetter :)

The first time he took my hand and kissed the back of it, I think was in the movies. Our first movie together as a couple... what was it? Monsters Inc.
Chills ran through me (and not because of the movie!) Good grief, it was nice! Now we do that often. Also, he tickled my arm. Sjoe, it was too much for me! I was becoming so aroused! I couldn't believe myself!

We shared lots of personal information in those first few weeks. Tim says he felt he moaned a lot to me and unloaded his baggage on me. But I don't remember it like that. It felt good that he would share stuff with me. The talk in the car.

So, was it love at first sight? I don't want to say so, and yet it was. But in a Godly way. Not physical attraction but spiritual attraction at first talk. I mean, I went home that night and told my family the next morning that I had met the guy who could potentially be my husband! So that shows that from Day 1, I had a good feeling about Timothy.

For 4 weeks in December, we were away from each other. He phoned me every day except 1, (and that was unpreventable). We built on our friendship in that time. We chatted about many things and I found myself longing each day for the next phone call from him.

So, we've come a way and its been a wonderful exciting journey. Then why do I feel that I still don't know him? Probably because I don't... I'm not ready to marry him but at least I know I want to!
Big time!

The Beginning as told in April 2002

10 April 2002

I feel seeing as I did not start this book until January, it is necessary to tell some things of the beginning of this wonderful and Godly romance!

We met on the 22nd October 2001 at Nicole's 18th birthday held at Magnolia Dell. I had not been at the party long, made a paper plate Birthday card for Nicole and I went to give it to her when I saw Tim. He was standing with Charl and Riaan but it was very dark. I didn't see any of them very clearly. Nicole introduced me and we chatted for a while about Theologos. My antennae for possible husband material had just recently fallen off. I was no longer searching. I was at peace and trusting God.

I was interested in what Timothy was saying. He spoke about the Tabernacle and I remember being impressed but polite. When he told me about his theory of love, I became excited and shared mine but got shot down. :) He was right. I had made Eros love an evil, ungodly thing and Tim said God made ALL love good including Eros! The world had perverted love. He said he felt sorry for my husband with me having that viewpoint :) [To read our two Theories of Love in detail, see Timothy's blog http://dieglashuis.wordpress.com/2012/08/11/janet-ek-kry-jou-man-glad-nie-jammer-nie/)

Anyway, I like a guy who has a Theory of Love and I was drawn to his obvious Godly character and I sensed he was attracted to me too :) When it began to rain, I hoped that that was not going to be the end of the evening and quickly went over to ask him if he was going to Nicole's house. He was! I prayed with Keren in the car that God's will would be done. Both Keren and I were impressed with Timothy.

At Nicole's, I wanted to impress too, so although it was cold, I took my jersey off so that Tim could see my figure better :) (confession). I felt him watching me at the table and I took peaks at him too. I joked and he laughed. But we wanted to talk alone and we got a chance later. I spoke about Joshua Harris' book 'I kissed dating goodbye'. He talked about Judas Iscariot and lots of other things but I think I was too self-conscious to listen.

I dropped a hint that my brother Joshua was doing a musical 'Jesu' at the State Theatre never imagining that he would actually say that he would like to go with me! I was thrilled!
Keren said I mustn't ask for his phone number and I kinda promised but when he walked me to the car quietly and quite serious, I got worried and asked his number "to let him know about Jesu". He did better than that and gave me his business card! A bit impersonal I thought but later he said that he doesn't give it to many people.

I felt like hugging him but I didn't.

I could hardly sleep that night. I felt it had been a momentous night. And as it turns out...
it was!