Saved by an SMS

30 July 2002

Last night at Tim's house, for the first time, we went physically too far, out of control. Not sex really, because we both had all our clothes on, but it felt very good! Tim still didn't touch me where he may not, but we were still very aroused! Foreplay, I know. Aunty Rhona sent an sms 12:30 at night! Just to hear how we were doing. It helped Tim to ask me to say stop! He had to ask three times before I said stop! I'm kinda disappointed in myself but it was too good to regret it.

Now Tim and I have made new boundaries: no kissing on the tummy. (Which was - I may not say divine - fantastic!) Tim said we got a warning; we don't want to step on a landmine. Now we put up red tape to guard against it happening again: don't visit alone at home. His parents once said to him that if we find it too hard, we should rather get married sooner. Shockingly, I don't feel guilty. Just kind of surprised and dreamy.

Tim says he feels tenderly towards me. He wants to treat me like a lady. My body was shaking after. Why I would wait until marriage to have sex is because I want to prove something. I want to be able to say, I waited. I want to wear a white dress honestly. And most of all, I don't want to steal from our marriage.
Lord, please help!

End of Part One

Find out if we made it to the wedding night in Part Two of Book of Romance. Available soon as E-book.

7 Months Dating Anniversary

8 July 2002

7 Months today! Yay!
And O, I love him so dearly! I wish I could buy him a nice present. Lord, please give me money, lots, one day so I can buy the greatest gifts for the people I love.

Tonight I remembered something that I don't think I have recorded in this book. Tim knows I like swinging and on two occasions, he took me to a park and pushed me on a swing. He is very romantic. I know things have happened that I have nor recorded. I've written less and less; maybe because it's almost the end of the book and I need another one. I don't know when I'll get a new book so I write little. But I want to keep recording because it's special.

We even talk about sex!

30 June 2002

Timothy has got an excellent memory concerning what people have said. He can quote my sentences back to me and I can't even recall saying that! But he is not good with dates. So I'm glad I'm keeping track of our dates in this book :)

Tonight, Pastor Nevil Nordan seemed to caution us to wait for the right time to marry. Tim seemed to dismiss it, but I heard. (sigh) Lord, please give me the patience to wait.

Tim and I have the greatest conversations. We even talk about sex! It's great to have a best friend with whom I can laugh and learn and talk about anything.

Pray for your relationship

26 June 2002

Tim and I are really maturing in our relationship. It is such an awesome journey! Growing and learning in love.

I spent lots of time with Tim yesterday after he came back from P.E. He was so loving- telling me how much he missed me and loves me; showering me with hugs, kisses and compliments. He has got a beautiful way with words and my heart overflowed as he told me how beautiful he thinks I am. He loves my cheeks, hair, dimples, teeth, eyes, hands, nails, feet, tongue, toes... I was laughing with joy. What a great relationship! Thank you Lord!

We can talk seriously, joke, laugh, chat, discuss, kiss, wink, tease, question, wonder, embrace, touch.
Bless God!

Lord, please may we always love You more and may our love, affection and respect grow for each other. Hold us in the palm of Your hand. In Your name, Amen

Relax and wait

9 June 2002

I love Tim so much!


10 June 2002

Tim brought me my study stuff that I forgot at his house. I asked him how long does he plan to live alone in his house once he has moved in. He said that as long as he wanted to stay single. Until he has a constant desire to get married, we can't. But he said, we are meant for each other. Of course, it's so true. Why can guys be so calm and relaxed? Because it's a fact: We love each other and we will one day get married. Sloosh. No more worrying or anxiety. Just stable peace.

Thank God for Tim, his wisdom and his love. He left me a note in my file. :) I really needed to hear that!

Lord, help me to relax and once again, teach me to WAIT.

SMS from Tim:

20 May 2002

'Ek wou net vra of ek by jou kan kuier vandag.

ek wil graag by jou wees

al is dit net vir 'n rukkie.'

'Jy mag maar 'n soentjie per sms stuur

dit sal my nie aansteek nie :)

ek het gister gedink ek kan ook siek word

maar dit het my nie regtig gepla of gestop nie @'

31 May 2002

'More Janet, ek dink nie dit gaan 'n wyse

ding wees as jy hier slaap vanaand nie

ons kan die hele dag kuier.

Ek hoop jy verstaan. 

Ek wil net nie met vuur begin speel nie.'

'Liefie, ek mis jou 

en ek is baie lief vir jou.'

Six-month Dating Anniversary

8 June 2002

Well, today was wonderful. It is our 6 month anniversary! We had a picnic with my family. It was great! Tim played ball with the boys and we went for a walk through the Botanical Gardens. I laughed a lot because I'm so happy!

Then tonight, I cooked Chinese and we sat in my flat with candle light and ate with chopsticks. It was lots of fun. Tim even asked if I wanted to dance and we just held each other. Very romantic! Very special.

We kissed a lot too. Too much I think, I don't know, it's fine. We had talked and chatted and laughed a lot today and we didn't do anything wrong but the kissing so much seems pointless. Some kisses are nice but not all the time. But I like the attention and love I get from Tim. So, I don't say anything, but knowing him, he would want me to tell him to stop. What's the matter with me? For me, kissing is like coffee. Nice while I'm drinking it, but a bitter aftertaste and I get a headache worrying about it.

[ Note from present-day Janet: When one restricts oneself and feels one is not allowed to do a certain thing, one can try doing it but will not enjoy it. It works the same in marriage. If the husband or wife is concerned that they are sinning, they will pull back emotionally and hinder pleasure. Many women, although married still feel that sex is sinful and dirty and so struggle to allow themselves pleasure. It is a mind-set that is difficult to break but is possible by talking with your partner, reading good books including Song of Songs, so that one can give yourself permission to enjoy sex as God intended!]

Surprise Surprise!

30 May 2002

Well, Tim was away in Welkom for the weekend and we missed each other extremely. But before that, I must write that last week Friday (24th), Tim arrived at my house surprising me with a bunch of flowers! My babe, just arrived to tell me he loves me, he misses me, he is miserable without me and good luck for my exam the next day. He melted my heart!

I was so excited! Wow, I love surprises and Tim! It means the world to me! He looked so loveable standing there. Dad said I had a visitor and it flashed through my mind that it might be him, but I was shocked to see him with beautiful flowers (nice touch!). dad asked, "Is it nice to be loved?" An O, I feel loved; so very loved by such a wonderful brilliant guy!

So I have to show him that I love him too. So guess what I do...
I wait for him to get back from Welkom until 12pm at his house. He was thouroughly surprised! He loved it! He just held me. I'm so glad that I could surprise him back! It's a good thing that I did because I think he was wondering how I felt about him. Well, now he can see: I adore him!

Tonight, we had quite a make-out session. Sheesh, I wanted him bad! It was mostly my fault. I've been feeling emotionally empty and while kissing him and needing him to hold me, it dawned on me that I was looking for my emotional cup to be filled up. And the physical love was helping but I know that only God's infilling can truly fill/satisfy my need.

It was nice though; of course it was nice! The girl coming on to the guy like I did. Freakazoid! Keren phoned just in time to invite me to go back to Menlyn. By 'just in time', I don't mean we would have slept together, but Tim and I are getting quite fired up!

Please Lord... what must I pray? That God would guard us, watch over us and keep us from evil? For the love of God, we can't mess up! I don't think we will. Of course not! I could never!
But if I can think/imagine it...