Still in love

4 March 2002

Haven't written for a while. Things are going well. Last week, what was special was our phone conversations. Wednesday and Thursday night we spoke for long on the phone and we had such good chats and discussions and laughs. It was really nice!

On Friday night, Tim took me to Villa Italia and we had a 3-course meal! I'm really blessed to have a boyfriend who can afford to spoil me.

Saturday night was Joshua's [my brother] birthday party. I was a bit apprehensive about how Tim would be viewed by the people who know me well. It went excellently!

And yesterday, we spent the whole afternoon together. It was romantic. Tim said lots of nice things... compliments... and that he still has that feeling for me after knowing me for over 5 months...
still in love. :)

Sms from Tim:

"Eks lief vir jou."

[Then a few seconds later.]

"Eks nogsteeds lief vir jou. :-)"

My Flat

24 February 2002

Once again, last night, my time with Timothy was precious. He came to look at my flat because I'm here now. :) 

And he made me laugh so much. I asked him to wait outside while I change my top. [It's was a one room flat.] Perhaps I shouldn't of done that, Not again!

Then in the car at Menlyn, he sensed I was upset about something and we could pray it through together! So, not only was I ministered to, set free from something and allowed God to begin a new work in an area of my life, I went into Menlyn rejoicing in God's goodness in giving Timothy to me. We had a nice time in the movies too. I'm so glad he feels relaxed with me. We act and laugh and have fun together. It's great!

Tonight, we're going to Lewende Woord and then everyone is coming for tea afterwards.

SMS from Tim

"Eks baie lief vir jou 

en ek soek niemand

behalwe jou nie"

16 Feb 2002

"Liefie, ek mis jou. 

ek hoop jy geniet die dans.

ek dink nie ek kan nog 'n dag

sonder jou gaan nie.

ek mis jou te veel vir woorde"

22 Feb 2002

I love it when...

I love it when he laughs a lot and acts all 'laf'.

He gently puts his hand on my back or hand while driving in the car. I can feel his love streaming towards me then.

He kisses me while i was speaking.

He grabs me from behind and gives me a big hug.

I love it when i move closer for a kiss and he moves away. It shows self control.

Tim says he wants to talk to me or visit me.

I love it when he phones me late at night to say goodnight.

He suggests a new boundary for our relationship or speaks about a maturer level we are moving to.

I love it when he buys me flowers!

He says he loves me.

We're good together

18 February 2002

Things are going very well! My relationship with Tim is beautiful, stunning, satisfying and full of joy and integrity. Praise the Lord!

Yesterday, the time we spent together was priceless! I had been away on a camp and the reunion was... Well, worth the absence!
We chatted so well together. Mom remarked on it. It's true. We can debate together; it's stimulating. We laughed a lot. We were vulnerable with each other. We were totally honest. I wished i could have captured it on video. But now, every moment, everything said, every intimate look is just a memory to be treasured and remembered.

Note: We made a new boundary for for when i move into my flat: He may not visit alone later than 9pm!

Setting Boundaries

13 February 2002

I've been waiting to write this but I haven't had time. Last night was so special for me.

I went to visit Tim. We didn't do much: played computer games; kissed; ate supper; kissed; went for a walk; kissed some more :)
And me, I'm the naughty one: no resistance or restraint! Poor Tim, I'm leaving all the integrity and hard work staying away from evil to him. It's wrong and I keep saying I won't make it difficult for him but then I do. Yes, slap me on the wrists!

Anyway, the great bit: As we were saying goodbye, Tim said that he felt we should only kiss long once a night. He said 'aand' but I heard 'maand' and we laughed about that for a while. Then we became serious and he explained that if we still wanted to remain in our boundaries, we must take it slower. (I've been thinking that for a while.) He said (and this is the good part because praise God for a man who believes this and cos they are my thoughts exactly!) he said that we have been growing spiritually and emotionally quite quickly in our relationship and that's great. In our 'special friend' time too, these areas had time to take the lead in our relationship. Now, we must just make sure that the physical does not catch up! Great hey!? And so true!

So, I wanted to shake hands on our agreement to only kiss long once a time we're together. Then he said we can start this rule from the next time, and this is where I was good. I said, "No, we start this rule tonight." So we kissed quickly (a few times) and then laughed at the possibility of our quick kisses becoming more frequent.

This and other gestures like it, make me have so much respect for Timothy. Respect and love because I see that he loves me.

Learning to appreciate our differences

9 February 2002

We kinda had a disagreement today. I just complained that he always has to be right and that he questions everyone else (including the learned and esteemed) while I just accept everything as fact.

He said that that is just the way he is and that experiences in life have conditioned him to be sceptical of everyone especially ministers. It's a pity but it's sadly true that there is a lot of corruption in the church.

Anyway, he (we) once again saw the balance we need to have in our views. He will protect me from being too gullible and being taken for a ride. And I will point out the good in people. Praise God for His purposes!

We talked about a lot of things: my pride and wanting people to follow my example instead of God's.
Money: the love of it is wrong but having lots is not. God wants to bless and will even more if he knows he can trust a man with money. And sowing [giving] money should only be done in absolute obedience to God.

We also watched a clever movie :)

Developments

7 February 2002

There have been some developments...

Tuesday night at Tim's house, we kissed for longer outside in the garden. It was very nice.

Then last night after cell [a church home group], we kissed outside my house but a bit heavier and I didn't like it. Tim did and that's partly the reason why I didn't stop him. I showed no sign that I didn't enjoy the kissing. In fact, I kissed him back, smiled etc. And I shouldn't have done that. I should tell him immediately to stop.

So, after praying, I phoned Tim and explained my feelings. It went well! He totally understood and thanked me for sharing with him. He also said that we need to be honest with one another. And we agreed that should one of us not be in the mood for visiting or kissing, that we would say so and then the other person will love enough to respect that one's feelings and understand. Once again, another bridge crossed, another level reached.

As for the physical side, we're moving too fast. Tim says we haven't crossed the boundary line and I realize it's true... but we are coming close and I would appreciate us being more careful.

One Major Thing to note is that Timothy was genuinely kissing me out of love and not lust. And I see this is possible (even for guys :) I have had a very bad unfair mindset that guys (even Christians) cannot control their sexual urges and any physical intimacy stems from lust and helpless hormones. Tim showed me and later explained to me that last night's physical affection was the outward manifestation of the heart of true love he has for me. And the love he was feeling from me was selfless, sacrificial love. And I confirmed that. I might not have felt like kissing but I did anyway.

But I won't again!